Laughter is the best medicine
 

Rolls Royce
A lady walks into a bank and asks to see the manager. When she sits down, she asks him for a loan of $5000.00 and the loan to be paid back with interest in one month. The manager says "that's fine, but we need collateral!". She says, "Well I have a Rolls Royce that is one year old". The agreement is made and she delivers the RR. The manager says to his assistant "Find the most secure place to store this car in our building and make sure it gets the best care". The assistant obliges.
Exactly one month later, the lady comes back with the principal + 1 month interest of $29.16. She was dressed in her finest attire and displayed some valuable jewelry. The manager said; " Madam, may I ask you a question? Would a person of your status really need a loan?"
She says "I didn't. But I went on a cruise and was concerned about the car and who would take care of it. So where else could I get such excellent service and location for $29.16 per month?".

Definition of Easter
Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter.
He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.

The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.

The third blonde said, she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "So, tell me."
She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when Judas betrayed him, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder.
St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."

Then the blonde continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."

St. Peter fainted.

You know you're living in 2004 when...
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have their e-mail addresses.
6. You go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.
14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
      AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

Banking on God's grace
A young man decides he wants to get married to a girl who has a rich father. The father asks to meet the young man before giving his blessings for the marriage. On meeting the youngster, the father asks, "Son, you are not working anywhere, how do you propose to support my daughter?" The young man confidently replies, "Oh, God will take care of that." Again the girl's father asks, "Son, you have no proper place to live yourself, where are you and my daughter going to stay?" Without a second's hesitation the reply comes forth, "Sir, God will take care of that." Once the young man leaves, the girl's father says to his wife, "Meg, this guy is a complete no no. He has no house and no money and he thinks I'm God".

Fishing
Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing. The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you." The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the right thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years."