Laughter is the best medicine

Speeding Ticket

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles an hour, sir."
The driver says, "Gee officer, I had the cruise control set on 60. Maybe your radar needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting, the wife says sweetly from the passenger seat, "Now don't be silly, dear. You know this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, “You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it woman, can't you keep quiet?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says," Now dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving." And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

"Oh, heavens no, Officer, only when he has been drinking."